Hi...
Do you need advise on love, life or anything else?
Feel free to message me on j.pumpkins@yahoo.com...
Ill try to answer and respond to your questions or problems the sonnest time possible...
Thanks....
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Untitled Stupidity
Walking in an empty street where no one passes me by
Staring straight to nothingness with a tear on my eye
As raindrops start to fall, I can feel my body shiver
Im wet but it doesnt matter, I dont care if it rains harder
As I continue to walk, I heard something crash and break
That startled me and somehow makes me awake
I saw a mirror lying on shattered on the floor
I picked it up and saw my broken self once more
Memories of the past started coming back alive
At this moment my past and present have jived
I remember the past and the one who broke my heart
Leaving me alone today, never knowing where to start
I took the chipped mirror and put in place
And once again, I saw my face
In only seconds, the mirror looked fixed and new
I hope its that easy to fix my broken heart too
As I look at the mirror, I saw some breaks
In between the chips and even some missing flakes
Like a wound on a broken heart, I know it will heal
But it will leave a mark I can never conceal
My broken heart will remain broken, and it will remain that way
Wandering through nothingness, lost and astray
Looking for the cure, a person who'll mend the pain
Who'll walk with me in this street, never to leave me in the rain...
Staring straight to nothingness with a tear on my eye
As raindrops start to fall, I can feel my body shiver
Im wet but it doesnt matter, I dont care if it rains harder
As I continue to walk, I heard something crash and break
That startled me and somehow makes me awake
I saw a mirror lying on shattered on the floor
I picked it up and saw my broken self once more
Memories of the past started coming back alive
At this moment my past and present have jived
I remember the past and the one who broke my heart
Leaving me alone today, never knowing where to start
I took the chipped mirror and put in place
And once again, I saw my face
In only seconds, the mirror looked fixed and new
I hope its that easy to fix my broken heart too
As I look at the mirror, I saw some breaks
In between the chips and even some missing flakes
Like a wound on a broken heart, I know it will heal
But it will leave a mark I can never conceal
My broken heart will remain broken, and it will remain that way
Wandering through nothingness, lost and astray
Looking for the cure, a person who'll mend the pain
Who'll walk with me in this street, never to leave me in the rain...
Sunday, January 13, 2008
The Life of A Cigarette
I sit by the terrace of our house one day when I saw my lighter and cigarette lying on my table... I garbbed it and started lighting the cigarette; puffed and blew the smoke from it, watching the smoke as it was blown away by the breeze of the wind....
I then remembered my mom and dad when they found out this habit of mine. Hahaha... Just couldnt imagine the looks on their faces when they keep on saying, over and over again that smoking can kill me (well, thats a fact that I do know before being married to my lighter and cigarettes). But still, i continue my bad habit of smoking, smoking and smoking...
I continued what i was doing. Puff by puff, i see that the cigarette stick became shorter and shorter, and i feel like grasping for fresh air. Felt like an invisible hand is grasping my neck; suffocating me yet i dont want to stop what causes my discomfort...
I remember when people used to tell me what to do. J do this and J do that though its against my will to do those things... Its like i am an actor on stage with directors telling what my next act would be... I dont have the freedom of choosing the steps that i would like to take. I am somehow like a remote controlled robot; one press of the button and there i go, one more press and ill stop. Hahaha..
Go against the flow and resist what others say. Follow your own heart and mind though you might fail and commit mistakes. But thats the way; the only way I know to make my way and learn reality on this world.
Yes. It was not easy to go against what other people would like me to be; what THEY would like me to do. But I have my own life, and sooner or later, I have to decide for my own self. Better be free from the chains on my hands and feet from going and grabbing what i want. I have to go out of range from the remote control that orders me what to do and when to do it. I have to think and decide for myself. And the best time to do it is right now. No extensions, no more waiting...
I reached for the ash tray right beside me and put the almost-puffed-up cigarette butt on it. I see as the burnt part turned black and grey as I twist the cigarette butt on the ash tray. I breathe deeply; breathe deeper and deeper till i fill resh air on my lungs. I turned around and closed the terrace doors and thinking about a closed chapter; a book written by other people: a book of different authors where the only character is me.
I headed on our front door, then thinking about the chapter that I have written and started on my own.
I reached to my pocket. Grabbed a cigarette and lit it. Just like the life that I have now; every door I opened is like a new stock of cigarette. Fulfillment is there but whenever i try to consume a stick, failures and trials are just around the corner. Each stick represents a new chapter in my life; lessons learned, failed ideals etc etc...
The life of a cigarette is indeed comparable to my life in a way. A book that is in writing with every stick that I puff. A book that has no definite ending just as to my habit. A choice that I have made. A story that I write, will write, and will finish on my own...
I then remembered my mom and dad when they found out this habit of mine. Hahaha... Just couldnt imagine the looks on their faces when they keep on saying, over and over again that smoking can kill me (well, thats a fact that I do know before being married to my lighter and cigarettes). But still, i continue my bad habit of smoking, smoking and smoking...
I continued what i was doing. Puff by puff, i see that the cigarette stick became shorter and shorter, and i feel like grasping for fresh air. Felt like an invisible hand is grasping my neck; suffocating me yet i dont want to stop what causes my discomfort...
I remember when people used to tell me what to do. J do this and J do that though its against my will to do those things... Its like i am an actor on stage with directors telling what my next act would be... I dont have the freedom of choosing the steps that i would like to take. I am somehow like a remote controlled robot; one press of the button and there i go, one more press and ill stop. Hahaha..
Go against the flow and resist what others say. Follow your own heart and mind though you might fail and commit mistakes. But thats the way; the only way I know to make my way and learn reality on this world.
Yes. It was not easy to go against what other people would like me to be; what THEY would like me to do. But I have my own life, and sooner or later, I have to decide for my own self. Better be free from the chains on my hands and feet from going and grabbing what i want. I have to go out of range from the remote control that orders me what to do and when to do it. I have to think and decide for myself. And the best time to do it is right now. No extensions, no more waiting...
I reached for the ash tray right beside me and put the almost-puffed-up cigarette butt on it. I see as the burnt part turned black and grey as I twist the cigarette butt on the ash tray. I breathe deeply; breathe deeper and deeper till i fill resh air on my lungs. I turned around and closed the terrace doors and thinking about a closed chapter; a book written by other people: a book of different authors where the only character is me.
I headed on our front door, then thinking about the chapter that I have written and started on my own.
I reached to my pocket. Grabbed a cigarette and lit it. Just like the life that I have now; every door I opened is like a new stock of cigarette. Fulfillment is there but whenever i try to consume a stick, failures and trials are just around the corner. Each stick represents a new chapter in my life; lessons learned, failed ideals etc etc...
The life of a cigarette is indeed comparable to my life in a way. A book that is in writing with every stick that I puff. A book that has no definite ending just as to my habit. A choice that I have made. A story that I write, will write, and will finish on my own...
Saturday, January 12, 2008
My Not-So-Private World...
Hi...
This is the first blog entry... Well, welcome to my not-so-private world...
In life, there are a lot of paths that a person tends to take. A lot of decisions that one must make in order to move on; to keep on walking and to ultimately reach what he/she wants...
Five years ago; when I was still in college, a major turning point in my life occured.
Society claims that there are only two genders known to the populace. Thats the male, and the female gender. Other than that, is the so-called third sex; yung mga bakla, bisexuals, tomboy blah blah blah...
I fell in love with this guy in campus. Quite incomparable to any typical guys that you will meet and find. Nice, sweet, quite a handsome dude if you might ask. The right guy every girl might dream of having.
I know that its not just a mere feeling of attraction or adoration to someone of the same sex for me. Its just not lust when I see him walking around. Why did I get hurt when I knew that he is already involved in a relationship with a girl? Why do I feel happy when I am with him?
Questions, questions and questions boggled my mind during those times. As if a mental torture which is followed-up by an emotional torture topped with confusion regarding my sexuality.
I asked myself: "Shall I continue what my heart wants? Or shall I think twice and do what would be the right thing to do?"
So there, I did follow my mind. I did the correct thing to do just not to be stupid in the end. I know that nothing would happen if I continue what I feel because theres no way; even in the smallest chance; that he would love me back other than being a friend. I wouldnt expect him to understand my feelings so i just played safe and hid my emotions by myself; jut not to complicate things up. I did what I have to do, and I know I have done it correctly...
But there is more to those questions than the answers that I have found. Its the realization that I have actually changed to a different person. A realization that I have chosen one path in this life that I tend to take; and i know that in this path, theres no turning back. A path which would take a while before i could even reach the middle; a path that could lead to other paths that I would be destined to take.
And so here I am now. Still taking the path that i have chosen to take five years ago. The path that I ahve chosen is not as smooth as you think it is; treacherous, rocky, boulders and boulders of tests keep on rolling each and every time possible. I take the path by myself, no one permanently guiding me through it but my instincts and intuitions. I have my own fate as the foundation of my strength...
The path that i have chosen is not a path that most of the people here would think of taking. Yet, I decided to take my chances and take the rest of the path by myself; or much better, with someone else right beside me...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
